


Dusky Blue

by Bakafirekitsunesama



Category: The Avengers (2012), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Cute little kids, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hugs, It's going to get better, It's going to get worse before it gets better, Odin sucks balls, Odin's A+ Parenting, These aren't actual chapters, Things are gonna be alright, more like vignettes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-06-04
Updated: 2013-11-30
Packaged: 2017-12-14 00:09:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 2,587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/830427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bakafirekitsunesama/pseuds/Bakafirekitsunesama
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Because sometimes you just need a hug.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. We all fall down

**Author's Note:**

> Learned helplessness is the giving up reaction, the quitting response that follows from the belief that whatever you do doesn't matter. -Arnold Schwarzenegger  
> Partly inspired by Wanderingchild's "Wandering Child", this is mostly based upon the frustration I feel everytime I hear or see a Norse Myth about Loki. That shit is just fucked up.  
> I intend to update everyday but that is yet to be known.

 

Falling... Unexpectedly hurt.

It made sense when you took into account how far he had actually fallen but the pain had not been expected. In the back of his mind he dimly realized that he hadn't thought anything could be more painful than fath--Odin's...Odin's rejection. Logically there could have been no other reaction except for rejection but the shock of his beliefs being confirmed had been hurtful. He had always been the... unwanted son. As it often happens with unwanted children, it had eventually all been too much. Everything had all piled on top of each other.  
  
All the slights.  
  
All the times he had been told "We are only playing with you brother!"  
  
The love that was never given back.  
  
Losing his children.  
  
Realizing he had lost his family long before any of this....  
  
Until eventually he just gave up.


	2. Après Moi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anger is only a natural reaction; one of the minds ways of reacting to things that it perceives to be wrong, while anger can sometimes lead people to do shocking things, it can also be an instinct to show people something isn't right -Unknown
> 
> This chapter is meant to be disjointed. I'm not sure that I conveyed this properly. What i'm trying to show here is Loki's madness because in my mind he his mad. He's mad and angry and incredibly hurt.   
> It will get better though. He will get better. I can assure you of that. We just have to get through the brokenness that makes up Loki.

Silence.  
 ****  
It wasn't often that he was somewhere, where everything was silent. Hom—Asgard was never silent, someone (usually Thor) was always awake, drinking, telling stories, laughing. It was extremely irritating. He supposed it shouldn't be irritating to some one of Asgard but then again he wasn't actually from Asgard was he? Why that thought made something inside of his chest ache baffled him. Anger rushed through him. How dare they make him care! How stupid could he possibly be? They had never cared about him, it had all just been a political ploy, an attempt to get to the Jötunn throne. The pain so strong he felt like curling into a ball and carving out his chest. And he, Loki, was the Liesmith? Ha! It was obvious where he had gotten that talent.  
 ****  
Broken silence.  
 ****  
Hysterical laughter broke out of him. HE was the Liesmith? He was the one that had only done what he thought was the best for his home! Killed the king of their enemies! So what if he had been his father. That was no father! Left to die, to starve, left to Odin! He had done nothing wrong! Always, always, always the one to blame. He was the one who cut Sif's hair off. He was the murderer of Baldr. Him, him, him, himhimhimhimhimhim.  
 ****  
It was so clear now.  
 ****  
All of it, so clear.  
 ****  
So easy, the words so sweet.  
 ****  
He was to blame.  
 ****  
Odin had only done what was natural, rejecting the unwanted bastard. He was ruler of the Æsir, he had to do what was best for Asgard. Loki of course wasn't important in the long run when you thought about it. Thor was far more important than he was!  
Him? He had always caused so much trouble. Why he had been positively asking for punishment. Everthing had become so clear. It was his fault his children had been taken away. His beautiful children, so perfect. They didn't deserve what they had been forced into.  
 ****  
His beautiful, beautiful children.  
 ****  
His babies.  
 ****  
His fault.  
 ****  
If falling had been painful, this realization was far far worse.

Silence again.

Someone was coming.


	3. Wayfaring Stranger

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A prisoner of war is a man who tries to kill you and fails, and then asks you not to kill him -Winston Churchill
> 
> And i'm finally where I want to be for my plot to start! :D  
> I know its only two chapters but I wasn't actually sure how to get where I needed to be. *headdesk*  
> I'm also writing this under the impression that the time between Loki falling and him stabbing someone in the eyeball was at the least a couple of months long.

Preparing for war had always been easy.   
****  
He had always found it dull but Thor loved war. "Fighting and glory brother!" he always said. Of course, war was made up of the two things Thor loved most. For someone however that thrived on trickery, it was the planning that was enjoyable. He had never actually liked battle.  
 ****  
Unless he had just won.  
 ****  
That's when he loved it.  
 ****  
But his planning was done and so what more was there to do? It would be months before things would fall into place for his war to start.  
Reconnaissance perhaps? It would make sense to get to know the habits of the mortals. He might have to tweak things in his plans to take into account their habits.  
 ****  
Know thy enemy and all that rot.


	4. Can you hear the people sing?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The secret of happiness is freedom. The secret of freedom is courage. -Thucydides
> 
> I think that for someone like Loki, someone whose children have been taken away from him not because he was a bad parent or that he didn't want them anymore but because Odin declared it so, children would be very precious to him. I am under the opinion (probably brought on by Tumblr and all the Papa!Loki fanfiction I read) that Loki loves his children very much. This opinion translates into this story and chapter. That's why I think that seeing places like the Children's Peace Monument would really make an impact on him.  
> This chapter is also dedicated to My Dear Friend in Turkey. He knows who he is. He is part of the protests there and his hope and dedication to the future of his country really inspired this chapter. Stay safe.

Mortals were so much more than he had ever thought.  
Midgard had always been looked down upon in Asgard. That's why sending Thor there had been a punishment. It was full of mortal who ignored what was right in their faces, they were stupid and petty.  
 ****  
At least, that's what he had always been told.  
 ****  
Alas, the Asgardians had been wrong (again).  
 ****  
The mortals were fighters.  
 ****  
They had courage.  
His trip for information had certainly proved to be enlightening. He had realized why Thor had become so fond of the place. He had never seen a culture with so many different rulers and beliefs allowed. Odin ruled all of Asgard with an iron fist and there was no such thing as "assassination attempts" in Asgard.  
 ****  
No on dared go against Odin.  
 ****  
Except for him.  
 ****  
And he had payed the price.  
 ****  
Thanos was not forgiving.  
Mortals were though. Midgard was a world where people came together when faced with catastrophe. Asgard was nothing like that, on Asgard it was a constant competition of who was the mightiest warrior. He had traveled all over Midgard in search of information. He had read their history text and had gone to their holy sites. Visited their museums (which were a novelty just by them selves. Asgard was no place for the arts.)  
 ****  
He had gone to the Anne Frank Museum and the Children's Peace Monument.  
 ****  
He had cried at both.  
 ****  
The men who had built those would have been laughed out of Asgard just for thinking of the idea.  
 ****  
The men who had built the things to have killed Anne and Sadako? They would have been welcomed back into Asgard with many feasts and celebration for defeating and killing so many of their foes.  
 ****  
He began to love Midgard more.  
 ****  
And Asgard less.


	5. Painted Red

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nobody can go back and start a new beginning but anyone can start today and make a new ending. -Maria Robinson
> 
> So here we are one chapter away from the scene in my head that this has been working to (I know, I know five chapters is so long. I really made you wait for it. :P)

He couldn't do it.  
 ****  
Fuck Thanos.  
 ****  
Fuck Odin.  
 ****  
Fuck Thor.  
 ****  
And fuck Midgard for being so much better than Asgard.  
 ****  
If only Asgard could be like Midgard (and all-father knows he had thought he would say that).  
He couldn't do it. He couldn't bring himself to do it.  
 ****  
He couldn't get himself out of it.  
Thanos would see him and the world burn before he would allow anyone to betray him. He was going to have to change his plans.  
 ****  
He would have to lose his war.


	6. An Interlude: The King and his men

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is not what I wanted to write. Like at all. This is not the chapter I intended to post today but Loki demanded his feelings be heard. Bleh. :P

Odin had been a loving ( _distant, cold_ ) father. He had spent many an hour overseeing training them ( _Thor_ ) and taking them hunting. ( _Only Thor_ )

****  
He was always there to chase away any type of fear. ( _Asgardian princes feel no fear!_ )  
 ****  
He truly loved his sons. ( _His son_ )  
 ****  
He would do anything to make his sons happy. ( _His son_ )  
 ****  
Made sure that they had the best playmates. ( _He had no friends_ )  
 ****  
He was obviously very proud of his sons. ( _His son_ )  
 ****  
He supported them in all of their ( _Thors_ ) endeavours. ( _That is womens play! It is a disgrace to all Asgardian Warriors!_ )  
 ****  
His punishments had always been just. ( _Taking his babies, mouth sewn shut_ )  
 ****  
Odin had been a loving ( _judgmental, paranoid_ ) father.  
 ****  
He loved ( _ **HATED**_ ) him very much.


	7. Oh Marcello

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Home is not where you live, but where they understand you. -Christian Morganstern
> 
> This is my longest chapter yet I believe. This chapter happens in a village I completely made up, with people I completely made up and a religion I made up. Feel free to decided what country these people live in. I actually don't know. However it is based off of things I have seen and read. If you see any resemblance to real people, places or things it may or may not be completely intentional.   
> I would also like to address (and feel free to read this after you have read the chapter, it contains spoilers) the fact that I converted Loki to my completely made up religion. This is because I think someone as damaged and hurt as Loki is, looks for something to cling too. Religion is often it.

The small village is like nothing he has ever seen.  
 ****  
He doesn't know where he is. After deciding to lose his war he had found himself wandering Midgard aimlessly. The village was something he had stumbled upon accidentally.  
 ****  
He was happy.  
 ****  
He couldn't remember the last time he was this happy. ( _Never_ )  
 ****  
The people of the village had been suspicious of him at first. Not because he was Loki or a frost giant but because of his _skin_ color of all things! He was pale cream and they were deep tan.  
 ****  
He was a shocking sight to them certainly!  
 ****  
They had warmed up to him quickly however and now he was a regular fixture of the village.  
 ****  
The men of the village had helped him build his own house. It was the first time he had made something of his own. Everything he had previously owned he had made with magic or had made for him. It was a... novel experience.  
 ****  
The villagers were religious. It had been... humbling. He had of course studied Midgards religions and "Gods" but he had never met a people who were so devout. They loved, respected, feared and relied upon their God.  
 ****  
They made quick work of converting him. He had not been expecting it honestly. He had taken it very seriously however. For if he, a god himself, could exist, couldn't others? Their God was a far more forgiving and loving God than Odin in any case. Their God loved his people no matter who they were.  
 ****  
The thought warmed him.  
 ****  
He was the only teacher in the village.  
 ****  
It was the single most fulfilling job he had ever been tasked with. The children were perfect, so eager to learn whatever had to teach them. He could only hope he had been such an attentive pupil. He highly doubted it though. There was no school house, so the classes were held in the town center.  
 ****  
Children were not the only ones to attend his lessons.  
 ****  
Adults ,never having the chance to learn beforehand, were taking advantage of his open lessons.  
 ****  
He found he couldn't begrudge them this.  
 ****  
Meals were held in the same place as his lessons were. The village like a giant family. Meals a feast Asgard could never hope to beat (though the food was simple). Laughter, singing and dancing dominating each meal, it was something that filled his heart with warmth.  
 ****  
This place a home Asgard never was.  
 ****  
These people, the family Frigga, Odin and Thor never had been.  
 ****  
For that is what it was.  
A family.  
 ****  
The madness creeping through his mind easily pushed through to the back of his thoughts, here in this place.  
 ****  
He is at peace.  
 ****  
He can't bear the thought of leaving.


	8. Instructions For A Bad Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Realize every dark cloud is a smoke screen meant to blind us from the truth and the truth is whether we see them or not- the sun and the moon are still there and always there is light. -Shane Koyczan
> 
> This is the first chapter to have any type of dialogue. I feel I am moving forward in the world. This chapter is heavily inspired by the poem it is named for by Shane Koyczan.

"Is it too early or too late?" He looked up and studied the girl in front of him.  
 ****  
She held a basket. Clay figurines filled it and she held one out to him.  
 ****  
A sea serpent.  
 ****  
"I don't want anything for it. I remembered you saying that you liked the stories about the world snake. I made it for you." She held it out again. He took it and placed it on the small shelf above his bed.  
 ****  
His home was sparse and this was now the only thing decorating it.  
 ****  
"Thank you."  
 ****  
He is always amazed by the villagers kindness. It never failed. He thinks that they can sense this and so they are overly kind to him.  
 ****  
He loves these people.  
 ****  
This thought is something that fills him with a numbing shock.  
 ****  
He can't remember the last time he fell in love with something. Not since his last child at least?  
 ****  
It's been three months since he came across this village and his time there is soon coming to an end.  
 ****  
His time there has been the instance in his personal drought of joy, that everything is alright. Even when it clearly was not.  
 ****  
The village elders know. He could not keep it from them. Not when he loves them so. All the elders had said to him was, "Be calm. We were never meant to hold so closely to pain. Loosen your grip on it. You will always be home here."  
 ****  
The acceptance had blindsided him, left him in tears, gasping for breath only able to say "Why?"  
One particularly frail elder grasps his hands and pulls him to her chest and says "Love and hate are beasts and the one that grows is the one you feed. We choose to feed love."  
 ****  
And he knows.  
 ****  
Knows which beast he had been feeding and letting grow.  
 ****  
He doesn't have to do that here.  
 ****  
And he has to leave.  
 ****  
And he is leaving not because he is hated, hurt and angry but because he has to clean up the mess he created.  
 ****  
He will do anything to keep Thanos away from this place and these people.


	9. Falling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not scared to jump. I'm not scared to fall. If there was nowhere to land I wouldn't be scared at all. ~ Florence and the Machine  
> I'm sorry for not updating in so long guys! I've moved and life has just been completely different from what I am used to and it's taken me a bit to get back into the hang of things. Doesn't help being homesick. :/  
> I'm using a mix of actual mythology and Marvel mythology here.

Tony Stark had always been smarter than everyone around him. School and people quickly bored him. They just weren't at the same level.  
 ****  
Books had been a refuge.  
 ****  
When he was too small to build all he had to expand his world had been books.  
 ****  
Books on everything he could find. Sex, physics, Heinlein, Asimov, fantasy. Childrens books and adult books. Among those had been a series on mythology from around the world.  
 ****  
Norse mythology had been a favorite.  
 ****  
It was a religion and world so different from his own. Sometimes in the middle of the night he would wish that all the Norse gods were real. Odin and Thor and Frigga and Forseti and Freyja. Above all of them Loki.  
 ****  
Because he was like Loki. He was the one who didn't fit. The one no one liked but acted like they did to his face.  
 ****  
He'd read all he could about Loki and the myths had made him sad. Loki who was mocked for giving birth to an 8 legged horse. Everyone just ignoring the rape. Loki who had his children ripped from him one by one. Not because they had actually done something but because they had the potential to do something.  
 ****  
He had the potential to go outside and kick someone but that didn't mean he _did. ___

Loki was the one who got the worst possible punishments for the stupidest of things. _His mouth sewn shut. Bound to a rock with poison dripping onto him._

There were some hints that he was adopted by Odin. Odin who quite honestly had to have been the worst _fucking_ father in the history of the universe. 

So when a giant blond man drop kicked Loki out of a jet he was the first person after them.


	10. I always liked that about me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To say that you love someone is, to claim that the person you are speaking of is, in your eyes, perfect. No one can be perfect, but to say you love someone is to say that, to you, they are the closest they can possibly be to perfection. \- Unknown
> 
> I'mmmm baaaaccckkk! Hello all! I'm very sorry for taking so long. My life has been very hectic and I recently lost a friend of mine. I've been a bit lost really. 
> 
> arkenna.tumblr.com this chapter really is for you. It's because of you that i'm getting my butt into gear and writing this chapter. I tip my hat to you.

Loki loves his brother. He truly does.  
 ****  
He just doesn't know how to show that. Doesn't think he even wants to at this point. It's not that Thor would be inclined to believe him even if he did.  
 ****  
Loki is a trickster afterall. God of Mischief and Ergi. One who can command Seiðr. There is nothing one could trust from the lips of someone like him.  
 ****  
It's only natural.

****  
How could someone ever trust him? Well it's not like anyone ever has.  
 ****  
 _Except for the villagers._ He misses them. He misses teaching. The children and the adults. The rituals and meals. He wishes Asgard could be like that.  
 ****  
It's never been like that.  
 ****  
A woman with hair of fire walks into the room. She speaks of wiping ledgers of red. He knows that his will never be clean.  
 ****  
Voices whispering in the back of his mind tell him that _The servants are coming. Prepare._


	11. Hush Child, the Darkness will Rise From The Deep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Scattered dreams like a far off memory. A far off memory that's like scattered dreams. 
> 
> I have no excuses for this being so late. My reasons are my own and I see no reason to explain my being so late on this chapter.  
> This takes place before the events of Dusky Blue. Loki is a bit more optimistic.

"Always follow the voices beneath, my son." A constant reminder to his child of the magic. The Seiðr surrounding him and within him, always whispering their secrets.

The Seiðr would protect his son.

It had to. 

Ragnarok would be wreaked across all nine realms if it failed. 

His child a shifter like him. A darling little serpent while in the water. 

Adorable. 

His child he watched grow older everyday. Each moment watching his vengeance unfold (for there was no vengeance better than being happy in the face of Odins hatred).

The child of his body.

The flesh of his soul. 

So perfect.

His darling child. 

No father could have been happier. 

Until he was stolen from him. 

The world saw darkness.


	12. Sound of drums

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you love somebody, you love them with their scars, their sadness and their flaws. -unknown
> 
> I think if Loki is going to get true and proper help then who ever does so has to accept all of the problems that come along with it. Again Loki's point of view.

Laughing. _stop laughing._ Laughing.

_How dare they?_

Laughing.

Forever laughing. 

_Do they even try to comprehend?_

Laughing. 

_Can they even begin to see what will happen?_

**laughing**

_They think they know? They think they can save themselves? ** _NOTHING WILL STOP HIM_**_

_Nothingnothingnothingnothingnothingnothingnothingnothingnothing_

_No one is safe_

Laughing.

Laughing.

Laughing.

Always laughing. 

_I have to save them_


End file.
